Is it My Wedding, or My Parents Wedding?

As the time nears for you to start planning your wedding you are naturally going to have to broach a pretty tricky situation… Who is going to pay for all of it?! Traditionally, the groom’s family would pay for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon and the bride’s family would pay for the wedding and reception. And as a thanks for paying, the bride’s mom then got to direct the wedding. But nowadays, those lines don’t really hold much water. The balancing act of who pays and who gets a say is a little bit more fluid, and less clear cut. It can actually be quite hard to navigate this process!! Read on as we do what we can to clear things up for you.

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Deciding who has a say in your Wedding

In more current times, it’s more likely to see the bride and groom pay for a substantial part of their wedding, with parents just chipping in where they can (or want to). This opens the door to some confusion about just how much input you have to accept into your big day. Balancing the idea of creating YOUR perfect day with not angering your family members by not allowing them a say can be pretty difficult. But here are a few things you can definitely say ‘no, thanks’ to, and a couple you should probably bite the bullet on and accept.

They DON’T have a say

Ceremony or vows

The intimate parts of your wedding day, like your ceremony and vows, are something your family shouldn’t have a say in. It’s fair to take family beliefs into consideration, but the end decision should come down to the couple, not extended family members.

What the bride or wedding party wears

Going dress shopping is an activity that many girls dream of, and what you wear on your wedding day is a choice only a bride can make. While your moms and other family members might want to join in the shopping and share their opinions with you, what you actually choose to wear should be decided on by you.

The wedding party

Choosing who is going to stand with you at the alter on your wedding day is a choice only you can make. Your family shouldn’t have any say as to who will join your wedding party.

They DO have a say

The venue

This one can go both ways. If your family is paying for a significant portion of this part of the wedding, you might have to respect their wishes to some extent and accept their advice. However, if you are footing the bill entirely or mostly by yourselves, it’s fair to make the venue decisions without your family’s say.

How the invitation is worded

While somewhat dated, you should discuss with your parents exactly how the invitations will be worded so that there are no surprises when they are printed. Especially with families who have an atypical structure, the wording of the invitation can be a tricky thing to navigate.

Your guest list

Choosing who to invite to your wedding is something that your family should definitely be involved in. Whether you decide to give them a certain number of seats for their friends and must-invites, or just include them in the conversation, it is important to allow your family to take part in this step. After-all, they are probably very proud that their child is about to tie the knot and want to have some of their special loved ones there to celebrate as well.

Menu / Food

The menu at your wedding should take into consideration some of your guests needs and likes. Especially if your family is chipping in for this part of your wedding, they deserve to have some sort of say in what kinds of food you will be serving to your guests.

Navigating wedding customs can be difficult

Figuring out how to navigate your way through wedding customs and norms can be difficult, but mostly it just takes some care and consideration. Your family is likely also so excited for you and your wedding day, and want nothing more than to help you have the best day ever. Just be sure to thank them for their help, show them appreciation when possible, and involve them when you can, and your wedding day is sure to be a perfect one!